A couple months ago, Annabelle's nurse e-mailed me a flyer for a 5k event benefiting Trinity Kids Care. Considering that, while pregnant with Annabelle, I had declared my goal to run a 5k in her first year (and the fact that months had come and gone with no commitment to prove it), it seemed perfect. I began talking it up to family members and composing a support letter. I didn't give it that much thought, but I assumed I could raise a few hundred dollars for a great cause and complete a personal goal at the same time.
It wasn't long before I had doubts. I had never asked for monetary support for anything like this before. Even scarier was asking people to join our team - and I blasted the support/invite to anyone and everyone. It is remarkably nerve-wracking to send out requests with no idea if there will be any response - I wavered between excitement and self-doubt. However, I didn't have to wonder long before I got a message from a dear friend...a message that turned into the donation of 65 custom shirts for our team and supporters.
I have to stop here and publicly thank Briana for coordinating the t-shirt project, Nate who donated his time and talents to design the shirt, SolidT who did the printing and gave us 15 extra shirts to make up for a slight delay, and the generous donor of the money for the shirts which meant 100% of the sales went to Trinity Kids.
Then I had new doubts - how was I supposed to sell so many shirts? Would people want the shirt even if they weren't going to participate? About the same time, we began getting donations...I had no idea how many would wish to give. Perhaps it gave people a tangible way to help. Whatever the reason, and in spite of my nerves, I knew from personal experience that this was a worthy organization - if any deserved me stepping out of my comfort zone, it was Trinity Kids.
While we're on the subject of comfort zone...can I list the things that required me to LEAP outside of mine in preparation for this event?
1. Running
2. Asking for money
3. Asking for people's time
4. Gathering people together from all areas of my life, and even some I hardly knew
5. Inviting people in to something very personal
6. Did I mention running?
I could probably think of more...the point is, it wasn't easy, but it was good.
The day we announced the shirt sales, I was floored by the response. The first 50 shirts were spoken for within 36 hours and we had requests for more. When the printing was delayed and SolidT offered us 15 extras, there were only 3 left by the next day. Wow.
On the morning of the race, Team Annabelle was unmistakable. I will treasure this memory.
There were plenty of reasons NOT to participate in this event. Our grief is fresh - no one would expect us to do this. It's hard to balance the hooplah of an event with the tragic reality of why we know about children's hospice in the first place. It was emotionally and physically exhausting to coordinate, prepare, worry...just look back at that first picture of us crossing the finish line - I'm not beaming triumphantly, glowing with pride. I'm beet red and dripping with sweat. We didn't raise money to find a cure for SMA. We didn't provide hope for another family fighting SMA.
So why did I do it?
Just because there isn't a cure, doesn't mean there isn't healing.
In the group pictures above, there are family members, close friends, acquaintances. And they all came to show us that Annabelle is loved. We are loved. This event did not take away the pain of Annabelle's death. But it's ok to smile sometimes; to rally together and remember that she has left a significant impact on the world.
Look at that dreadful picture at the top again. See Gay in the background, cheering us on? She and her team give tirelessly to those who have nothing to offer. So we'll be back again next year...because this is part of our story.
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